i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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