I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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