Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
