so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
