You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
