Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
