The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
