It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
