yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
