Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Even my vagina gasped.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize