In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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