Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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