There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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