I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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