Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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