a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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