Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
