i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
