My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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