He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
