My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I fill condoms, not promises.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
