After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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