pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
