I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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