On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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