I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
