a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
