No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
