maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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