My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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