So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
