Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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