our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
