You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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