Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
