Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
