I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
