dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
