she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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