I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
