How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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