and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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