So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
