I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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