I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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