what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
