I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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