sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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