By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
