i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
