all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
