It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
