plz talk dirty to me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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