I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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