There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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