Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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