hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
