I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
