got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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