Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
