the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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