i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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