My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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