even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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