Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
