Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
